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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Here i am again.. time pass real fast and this is the second module in the second semester.. Over this period of time, many thing happen.. Some are good and others are bad but no matter what, i learn a lesson at each and every one of it..
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Currently, i'm doing projects at the workshop.. Building models and staff.. Cut my finger twice.. Bleed alot.. but somehow i don't feel the kind of pain that i should feel.. Maybe some other place hurt more than the blood my finger shed.. Somewhere deep down which no one can see.. It hurts.. Till today, it is still bleeding.. People say that time can help to heal the wound which one leaves but.. It has been so long.. And i'm stil feeling the pain.. The stab in my heart.. I tried not to think.. but how can i not?? I gave u all that i can and yet.. You just turn away.. How am i ever gonna trust you again?? Not only you but love.. I've given that up the moment u turn away from me.. I've given up hope in life.. And most of all, i've given up loving someone or shouldn i say anyone.. Time can heal the wound but it still leave a scar.. A mark that will live forever in my heart.. I'll remember that day.. So clearly.. So vivdly..

Now that new love had come and find the way into my bledding heart but.. I cannot accept.. There is no way i'm can trust love again.. I felt hurt.. I felt cheated.. I felt lost with nothing at all.. Little words means alot.. And somehow too much to actually understand what each and every sentences means.. I once ask myself whether can i start all over again.. Search within my heart and yet the answer is stil the same.. I can't.. I can never trust what others say anymore.. I can never let others hold me again.. I can never believe that miracles does happen and most of all, i can never never look into my heart and find the answer.. Each and every word i say to u come from my heart and u shattered it without even thinking.. Tears have been rolling.. Till now, i guess i'm all sucked dry.. No more tears could be shed anymore.. But i still feel the intensive pain deep down inside my broken heart.. Am i going to feel this way forever??

Dear father God, i look up to u as a saviour.. My saviour.. I pray and pour my troubles and problems as you are my father.. You are always there whenever i need u.. And now, please answer to my prayer dear father.. I am real lost and not sure what i should do.. There are so many things that are locked up inside my heart and it seems like i am going to explode soon.. There is no one else i can talk to except u.. There is no one else i can trust other than u father.. Bless upon me the knowledge of wisdom to know what to say and think of not hurting others and myself.. Of chossing the correct path and choice.. Please father.. Amen~

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School have not been great.. and it's not improving still.. Haven been going to school heavy hearted.. And not concentrating when i do my model so had a few little accident while handling the tools.. Nothing much really happen so i think i do not want to bored myself reapeating stuff in school..

There are time when i ask myself what do i really want?? What do i want to achieve in life?? What do i want to be when i grow up.. What do i this.. What do i that.. And so on.. Looking back, the answer is there for me already..

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I might be a happy person on the outside.. Always with that cheerful smile on my face.. But who knows deep down inside how i really feel.. How i hold back my tears and still try to smile so that others will not be worried for me.. I might have lots of friends.. But who is the only few who stand by me all through weal and woe?? Who is the few that i can trust?? Who are those that will not leak out my dark secret when i tell them?? Honestly i don't know.. Somtime i do envy people with very close friends.. The share everything under than sun with each other.. There are also those who betrayed their friends for their own benefits.. But at least they once had such a good friend who they can talk to and heed advices from.. What do i have?? I have nothing at all.. An empty shell i should say.. So many i want to say but no one to really turn to.. I know everyone has their own problem but i just need that someone.. Even if it's for a few minutes to be there for me.. To really understand me.. At least to let me know that i am not alone..

Everytime when i thought i found love or a true real friend, something will happen or will tell me that they are not.. They are not what they seems.. They are not what i really want.. Dear father, why do u have to be so cruel to me? U took away love from my childhood and not letting me know what is family warm.. Till now, you are still taking away things from me.. Just when i am at my peak, you threw stones at me and caused me to tumble down to the bottom of the moutain into the valley and have to start all over again.. Why?? Why are u doing this to me?? I did nothing wrong and yet.. Please stop.. Please i beg.. I really had enough.. I am going to collapse soon.. Please.. Stop taking away things that i had or should i say.. I want.. I yearned for..

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I'm sorry to have blog this up but i really feel sad at this moment and this is the only way that i can express what i am thinking as there is no one i can really talk to.. Just keep it to yourself if u have any comment about this piece as i am in no comdition to talk about it.. I apologised again if i am being rude or anything.. I just need some peace and quiet to swallow what i had jus spit out..

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Love Candy




A Never Ending Love

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Name: Candida Ng
Nickname: TangTang
Age: 21
EggCrack: 15.01.1988
Profession: Designer In Training
Contact: luv_candy_88@hotmail.com


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